Perspective

I am in the last couple of days of my maternity leave. Next Tuesday I am back doing my "other" job, and trying to get life back to "normal". It's interesting how I'm feeling now about next week than what I felt six weeks ago, and it started with a simple conversation with some friends.

When R was newly born, we were chatting with friends, and I mentioned how quickly the six weeks were going to fly by, and it just wasn't enough time. My friend looked at me and said, "Aw, don't look at it that way. Try to see it as you get six great weeks with your family."

It may seem like a simple statements, but it hit me right between the eyes. My friend probably doesn't even remember saying it. I believe that was God speaking those words to me, and that conversation has come to my mind often since then. I love it that God has put people around me that speak life.

Sometimes God has to remind me that life is about perspective. For example, I have compared my maternity leave with others' - the three months, the paid leave, the six months, others even longer. I could live the six weeks dreading work and complaining about it, or enjoy those weeks even more.

Of course this applies to other areas of my life (which is why it hit me so hard) - that yes, there are some things that I had wish had been done differently over the years. I have dwelt upon those things, when many times I have missed the blessings that have come from those moments. Or maybe I should have just looked at it a little differently?

I'm probably rambling, so forgive me if this post doesn't make much sense. Maybe I should sum it up and say God is good to hit us between the eyes once in a while. He does it with much love. I am praying that I become a person who speaks life to others, and not negativity or death.

So here I am, a couple days out from returning to work. I am at peace about next week - not necessarily looking forward to it, but ready for it. It was God who put that peace there, and it's good. And He's good.

Thank you, Father, for peace that passes understanding
And thank you for those who speak life
And for the right perspective

Be Still

I love quiet mornings when L and E are still fast asleep, and the only sound I hear is the rain falling on our home. Sometimes it's so easy to fill our home with noise - TV, radio, internet - that we miss the beautiful sounds that God gives us for free. The sound of a the wind in the trees, rain pattering down, the birds singing. These are the moments that truly want to make you stop and "be still".

I really struggle with being still, though it's so peaceful and needed. It seems I'm always rushing for something, filling my day with busy-ness and noise. Why does the silence make me feel as though I need to fill it with meaningless stuff much of the time... whether it be with activity, or drama or sound, etc?

And I know it's so so easy for me to worry, and drowning the anxiousness in activity is easy for me to do. The worry of how the birth will be, and how we're going to handle two children. How E is going to react to having another sibling around. If R is going to be a fussy baby, or will he have difficulties nursing. How will returning to work in six weeks feel like? Will my boss understand that I am not willing to work four full days, even if my workload requires that of me? Can I do both? Are we spiritually ready to lead two children in the way of Christ on a daily basis?

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Those simple words are very encouraging to me, and have brought much peace to me this morning. I'm glad that He's bigger than me, and that His hands are stronger than mine. I don't know how the future will look, but God knows all things and will give me/us the strength to make it through. I often wonder why I doubt the One who has never let me down?

Praise God we're not alone in our struggles or fears or worries.

Praise God that He gives us peace that passes understanding.

And praise God that He graces us with gentle rainy mornings like this to remind us of simple blessings like silence... and strength.

And 2009 Begins

So this was part of how our New Year's Eve was spent. Cake and candles. What can be better?

Our 2008 was a year of pretty decent focus. We moved into a two bedroom duplex to save more money and time (less cleaning, no snow plowing/mowing), and it's been such a blessing. Also, we spent much more time getting healthy, which was surprisingly more fun than expected.

For 2009, we discussed what it means to "simplify", and for me, the definition often gets blurred. L and I were chatting about it last night, and he said, "I think simplify just means you act with more focus. More purpose." I liked that.

We are hoping to scale back a little on some of the responsibilities we've taken on, and focus this year on people, our family (as we will expect a new addition to our family), and our faith. Back to the basics, but also stepping up on some things we haven't been willing to commit to. As we get more refined on what that means, I'll write more about it.

So, if you think about it, please pray for us as we venture into the New Year and that our eyes would be opened to opportunities around us. Thanks!

It's a Tough Job Being a Mom

Sometimes I have a hard time properly modeling how I want E to act.... and it's really beginning to bother me. Boy, it's hard work being a mom - and at the moment, I'm overwhelmed. There were so many things that should have been handled differently over the past week.

I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, and my actions this week weren't that great. As mentioned earlier, the kiddo and I have been dealing with a cold over the past several days. Poor little thing has been miserable - uncomfortable, having difficulty breathing properly, tired... just on edge. She needed more cuddles than I gave her. She deserved more understanding for sure, since I was dealing with something similar, but with the advantage of cold medicine. Yet still I got frustrated and short on patience.

And since I wasn't feeling well, the television was on FAR too much this week. Ugh. I remember being a TV free family, and now I'm thinking that perhaps we need to get back to that. Her interest is starting to grow in the silly thing. I don't care how many educational cartoons they put on that screen, there's no substitute for playing and learning in real life. Yet, how can I say, "Well, E, you can only watch 20 minutes of Elmo in the morning b/c you need to explore life, but I will watch whatever I want whenever I want"?

The TV thing of course leads to the fact that I didn't play with her as much as she deserved. We did get outside a fair bit, but come on - it's summer! We should basically live out there! We didn't read as many books together as we normally do. Or do puzzles, or craft projects.

The TV thing leads to my eating habits the past few days. We were doing well cutting out the caffeine, and it's ridiculous how much we consumed this week. Oh, and the sugar. We may be consuming a lot more fruits and veggies, but the amount of sugar has skyrocketed. Thankfully E has much better eating habits than we do - she loves peas, asparagus, carrots... really mostly all fruits and veggies. I'd like to keep that trend up. She does want what we're eating, and again, it's a "do as I say, not as a I do" sort of thing.

More importantly, my quiet time has really been weakened over the past couple of weeks. And today I nagged and picked at L for no reason. Of course, I want E to know how important a relationship with Christ is, and how important it is to act/speak with love and respect toward your spouse. If I'm the woman E is looking up to for spiritual, emotional, physical and relational guidance, she's been sorely disappointed lately. And that makes me feel very disappointed too.

Thankfully God gives us grace to cover all of our sins, and strength to help us in our weakness. It just shows how MUCH and OFTEN I need to be on my knees daily, begging for guidance, patience, strength, and love. Hopefully E will learn what it means to be a godly woman and see what I've done right, and not so much what I'm doing wrong.

Because seriously. How cute is this kid? She deserves the best.

More Joy

This little girl has taught me so much about life in the short time she's been on this earth. These are just a few things:

1. She's taught me how quickly time flies.
2. How much fun it is to laugh so hard it hurts.
3. That life is meant to be LIVED to its fullest.
4. That sitting still can be a blessing!
5. She's shown me how much beauty one person can hold.
6. How to be alive.
7. How we're surrounded by an exciting world, ready to be explored.
8. That simple things are the most interesting.
9. She's taught me how much God has blesses His children.
10. And of course, how much one person can love another.

One Year Ago This Month

It was around this time last year that we sold our house. It was a long, 16 months as we waited for the "phone call". It was difficult to be patient, and to continue holding out hope during the thousand (slight exaggeration) showings that we had. It was the most difficult to wait when we moved, as our lives were being built in a new place, but we still felt like home was somewhere else.

It may not seem like a big deal to sell a house, but it can be a very emotional process. It was difficult to move out of our house with our dear friends helping us load the moving truck, trying not to cry. Those people were our family there, and we didn't realize how much they meant to us until that day.

It was difficult to move out of a house and to see it empty, after that place was our home. It symbolized our family structure in a sense; where we decided to plant roots for a little while. We were newly married when we moved in, and so much changed by the time we left. So, it was difficult to move out, knowing it was still ours yet it wasn't at the same time, as our life was going in a different direction.

It was difficult to move to a new place, yet the place you own was somewhere else. It was even harder to answer each time a person asked about any activity on our house. "Nope, nothing yet." was probably mentioned a thousand times. It was difficult feeling so helpless.

And it was difficult to trust God at times. And more difficult to be confident that we heard Him correctly.

But of course, He heard and He did answer. Not on my schedule of course. And not at the price we wanted. Still, He answered. Signing those papers and being free from that obligation was probably one of the most freeing moments I'd ever experienced. Just to have that weight lifted was answer enough, as at the end of the day, it was all we needed, and so much more.

Seeing our house one last time before we sold it made us realize how it just wasn't ours anymore. It felt like we were walking into someone else's place. And I knew that it we had made the right decision.

So, a year later, and hopefully a little wiser, I am thanking God for a huge answer to prayer.

Locally Grown Food = Healthier?

Yesterday was our first meeting regarding our CSA (Community Shared Agriculture). Our CSA is unique that it's a working farm - meaning everyone has to volunteer every week. This allows the cost to be much cheaper than a typical CSA. I'll chat more about this later, but we had a round robin discussion of what made us choose to join the farm.

Someone said that they read something unique, and it caused them to join. They read that our bodies are designed in such a way that it requires the nutrients found in our local climate. That foods that can be grown in locally are more important to us than foods that can be grown in a different climate structure, as our bodies are craving the "local" nutrients.

Now, I don't know how much validity there is to that statement - I'd have to do more research on that. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if that is how God created our bodies to survive and thrive. And really, it just made me shake my head in wonder of how amazing our God really is, to make everything work in sync. Only a God with an abundance of power could make everything work so beautifully. It's just awe-inspiring.

The photo above really doesn't have anything to do with the above post, except that God also created beautiful landscapes for us to enjoy. Just another bit of awesome-ness from our Father.

Irresistible Revolution

The RSV lingers on, but it's lessening, praise God. We've spent the last several days in our house, trying to get everyone healthy and preventing the spread of it to other children. This has been a time for me to practice what I was preaching in my previous blog about simplifying our life and enjoying the silence.

Of course, for a stay at home mom, silence can be welcomed, but also deafening. It's welcomed after you hear a constant whine, but deafening when you don't have any adult conversation throughout the day. Both the babe and I look forward to seeing other people - sometimes it seems like she looks at me and is thinking, "You again?" So, as important as it is to simplify our schedule, it's also important to have a good support structure, a community.

This week, for example, I was hoping to reenter society, if at all possible. In fact, we have our two regular playgroups set up, as well as three play dates sort of planned. It seems that many of these outings will be postponed until next week, when we can be sure the kiddo is not as contagious. Ah well. All in the name of parenthood, right?

With us being quarantined to our house, I have started reading like crazy. This week has rejuvenated my love for books. I have finished two books, and working on the other three. The top book in the photo, "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne has really challenged my thinking and interpretation of many of the words Jesus said. I'd strongly encourage anyone to read the book, just for pure conversation on the topic.

He speaks of his internship at a well known, very wealthy church, and how difficult it was to adjust from just coming back from a summer project working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta. Here's one passage from the book by Clairborne, "It was very revealing when I asked someone why there were no crosses at the church and he replied, 'We try to be seeker-sensitive and the cross is not.' To be fair, I know he was referring to the fact that many folks associate the pain of past church experiences with the traditional icons and music, hymnals and pews, so this church got rid of those cultural barriers. And while they proclaim and live the message of the cross in many beautiful ways, there is still something profoundly unsettling about a church a church that has no crosses. True the cross is not always seek sensitive. It is not comfortable. But it is the cornershone of our faith, and I fear that when we remove the cross, we remove the central symbol of the nonviolence and grace of our lover. If we remove the cross, we are in danger of promoting a very cheap grace. Perhaps it should make us uncomfortable. After all it wasn't so comfy to get nailed there."

This book really challenges you to live up to the title. He really encourages radical living for Christ, and has made me re-evaluate what certain passages of scripture mean.

I'm still digesting everything I've read and praying about it. I do agree that many of us (myself included) don't live as the early church did - radically and sold out for Christ. I hope that God would use this book to show me ways for my life to change.