Nostalgia

Watching Lost always makes me a little nostalgic (until I get frustrated with the storyline anyway). We've always been faithful viewers of the show. In fact, our dear friends, T & B, used to record the show back when we didn't have television (it was an intentional decision on our part) just so that we could watch it. They'd tell us if it was a good episode, and whenever we'd get together the conversation inevitably drifted back to the show for a little while...

So maybe that's why I'm nostalgic tonight. Isn't it strange how your senses can take you back to a different place in your life? You know, back to moments that seem like a lifetime ago? Really, it wasn't that long ago that we were living downstate, but it feels like it was forever ago. Perhaps that is because so much has changed for us since then (moving, quitting my job, having a babe, selling our house, moving again).

We're very grateful for our lives here... we don't regret the move at all. We love the simplicity of life, how much slower paced our life has become, being closer to family, meeting the lovely people here... but I guess you can still love where you are and miss where you've been.

We joined our first small group together shortly after we married. It was mostly to plug into our large church, and meet some friends. What seemed like awkward beginnings really developed in a core group of dear friends. This is a large reason why I am such a firm believer in small group - we walked through many moments together, both good and bad... each and every week... you can't help but build a bond. We broke bread together (a lot), we shared our testimonies... we cried... we laughed (a lot)... we read some amazing books... had good worship (thanks, T)... We experienced job losses and jobs found, pregnancy, births, divorce, emotional issues, death, sold houses, life transitions... Of course, after meeting for over three years, you just experience life, and it's comforting to know you have a support system behind you.

One memory that will always be vivid for me was the day our house sale fell through. It was September, and life was just happening, and we didn't see a sale happening anytime soon. We weren't even planning a move at that point, when voila, this guy wanted to buy our house. My hopes soared, and dashed within a few days. I was so crushed... I was in tears, and just wanted to stay in bed, but was supposed to meet with a couple of the ladies from our group. L told me that I needed to go, and so I did... they encouraged me above and beyond... they held up my arms, when I was too weak to do so.

They were our home away from home. God used them to help me heal, grow, and develop into who I am... They'll always be part of our family, an extension of who we are, and are a part of who we become.

So, thank you, J & J, T & B, K & C, D & H, for sweet memories along our journey. We love you guys.

Wonder

Our weekend was full of sunshine, laziness, and bike rides (I rode over 20 miles in two days!). Our church had their anniversary service yesterday, and the message was very convicting. The pastor spoke about how we need to maintain a sense of wonder about our faith, much like a child approaches life. E loves to go outside and explore the smallest details - rocks, dirt, a pinecone. I'm praying that my sense of wonder will return - that I will believe and expect God to do big things, yet take so much joy in the smaller details, like my girl does.



The weekend was pretty much spent at the beach - with picnics and ice cream. Yes, our child loves ice cream (what kid doesn't though, right?). Admittedly, there are moments when I miss life downstate, but this weekend's beauty reminded me of how blessed we are to be surrounded by God's amazing creation.

Okay, back to reality and chores. My house needs a serious cleaning.

Time of Refreshing

As a child, I couldn't stand playing by myself. My mom would ask, "You should have imaginary friends to play with." Truth be told, my imaginary friends didn't like me. Or I didn't like them. Whatever the case, our friendships didn't work out, so I'd beg my sister and brothers to play with me. Mostly just my sister. It drove her crazy. I just could NOT play alone.

Fast forward many years to married life and a child. Now I don't get enough alone alone time. Meaning, time to myself for myself.... and I miss it sometimes. Tonight, after the kiddo went to sleep, I decided to go for a bike ride. It was such a peaceful ride... the sun was setting... it was quiet... there were deer watching me watching them... and a ride to the beach was exactly what the doctor ordered.

I stopped for a moment to take in the quiet, and the beauty. Boy, there is a lot of beauty in this world, despite the ugliness all around us. There is still purity in this world - from the perfect sunset to the sound of a bird's song. The artistry of our Creator astounds me every time.

Moments like that reminds me of the vastness of this world, and how small I am in all of it. Despite my small role in this life, God everything about me.... down to the number of hairs on my head. God, the creator of the Heavens and Earth, listens and answers every prayer that I pray. Every laugh that I laugh. Every tear that is shed. What an awesome God we serve.

It was a lovely and refreshing time, and I'm glad to be home. There's a lot of beauty here too. :)

"Badge of Busy-ness"

Well we are back from Boston now, and glad to be home. We had a great time out there, and the kiddo was fabulous, but there's something special about being home, too. The babe has been catching up on her sleep (she didn't get to nap much, since we were on the go much of the time). We did find out that she has RSV :(, so we're just hanging out at home, praying that it passes quickly.

We had a lovely surprise waiting for us when we returned home - our package from Amazon. We bought it shortly after Christmas with some leftover money we had. More about the books we ordered later, but the DVD "Everything is Spiritual" by Rob Bell is amazing!! L and I both learned so much (and he covered a lot of science related topics, so I thought I might get bored, but it was fascinating).

Something that Bell mentioned toward the end resonated with me, as it's a topic I've been thinking a lot about. He said, "We need to slow down enough so that we don't miss a thing." Perhaps not the most profound statement, but enough to convict me.

Our society is so busy. Whenever we greet someone we say, "How are you doing?" Inevitably the answer is "Busy." We wear busy-ness like a badge. We have difficulty slowing down, and when we do have some free time we either feel like we're being lazy, or we fill it with mindless drivel.

I have to admit, since the baby was born, it made me think about how life changes. I can't just "go" anymore. When we were downstate and both working, in two bible studies, leading the service ministry at church, seeing friends, and tending to our house. We were BUSY. Any free time seemed to be filled. Now we are home more, but still busy. A baby does that to you. You don't get to pick and choose your free time, even though it seems like I should have more time to myself. I guess I do have more than I used to - mostly because we've chosen not to get too involved in community and church just yet.

AW Tozer said that we are "almost frantic people" and that "speed and noise are evidences of weakness, not strength". Wow. How many times do I fill the silence with noise and busy just because?

Seriously. Why can't we just be? Why can't I just be? Why do I turn the music up instead of having a conversation with God?

When moving up here, one of our goals was to lead more of a simpler life. We didn't want to have to deal with mortgage payments anymore or have a million commitments to tend to. Don't get me wrong; a house and commitments are not bad things. We were ready to be FREE of them for a little while. We were pretty frazzled.

But even with our free time, I'm wondering. Am I experiencing life to its fullest? Am I aware of God in everything I do? What am I missing when I don't spend that silent, quiet time with God each day?

Nouwen writes "We are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that it is hard to truly hear out God when He is speaking to us. We have often become deaf, unable to know when God call us and unable to understand in which direction he calls us. Thus our lives have become absurd... when, however, we learn to listen our lives become obedient."

The babe is stirring, so I need to go, but remember this: there is so much beauty and life to experience. How much do we miss because we're running here or there, or because we've filled out time with TV? What would life be like if we could just slow down enough to breathe it all in?

"Earth is crammed with Heaven. And every bush aflame with God. But only those who see take off their shoes..." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Permeating Everything

"The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

Deut. 6:4-9

I love the imagery and the symbolism in these verses. God is supposed to permeate every area of our lives.... our relationship with Christ should be as natural as breathing. We should wake up thinking about Him and go to sleep whispering His name. And I wonder. Can others see that God is written on the doorframe of our house? Can others smell the aroma of Christ when they interact with me?

I feel so humbled and challenged as I read those verses again and again. Oh, Lord, may our house permeate You and Your Word. May You always be in our thoughts... May we speak together night and day... May You be the focus of our home....

"7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. "

This verse really hits home, as mother to a little girl. It also makes me chuckle. The other day, E and I went for a walk. We (okay, I) was singing "Jesus Loves Me", and talking about how God made all the trees and the snow, and how she was made "special".

Inwardly, I was asking God to encourage me in some way... it was a lonely day (long story). Walking toward me was another family, and as common courtesy, I stopped to say hi. Somehow we started talking about how we were both from downstate, where L was working (and where they were working)... and he (T) was carrying a Bible. We started chatting away....

And walking away from conversing with them, I was so encouraged. It just surprised me that God would hear that simple prayer and choose to answer it - so quickly! And so, that's what E and I chatted about on the way home. It was mostly for my benefit, as E probably doesn't know what I was babbling about.

Still, I think that if it becomes habit to chat and talk about God in everyday language, in everyday moments, perhaps it'll "stick", and become written on her heart, and thus, one day give her the ability to chat about Him in the same way.

Oh, dear Lord, please permeate every aspect of our lives. How we act, how we speak, how we interact with others, how I serve my family - L and E, how we parent, what we watch, how we serve the body of Christ, how we minister to those who don't know You, permeate EVERYTHING.